Here’s how your daily habits can predict addiction in a surprising way

What do you do to unwind after a stressful day or busy week? Some people relax in front of the TV for hours on end. Others turn to alcohol or sweets until they’re satisfied. Many young adults immerse themselves in action-packed video games, and most of us know someone struggling with serious substance abuse. It seems we all seek to feel good in one way or another; we all search for an outlet that taps into our happiness.

Unfortunately, many individuals become so addicted to substances or behaviors that offer an escape from their troubles that it becomes a significant issue. Eventually, they find themselves unable to control when they start or stop these behaviors. Thankfully, programs like Alcoholics Anonymous are available for those struggling with excessive eating, substance use, intimacy issues, or overspending, aiming to help them break free from their addictions.

In the Twelve-Step program, where individuals transition from one substance or behavior to another, they refer to this as “changing deck chairs on the Titanic.” Addiction specialists Drs. Harvey Milkman and Stanley Sunderwirth have explored why so many people behave this way. Their research indicates that humans crave three types of feelings: relaxation, excitement, and fantasy or oblivion. Most people tend to prefer one of these sensations over the others.

In essence, people become addicted to feelings rather than specific substances. Therefore, when they curb one substance or activity, they often unconsciously turn to another that provides a similar feeling. For instance, some recovering alcoholics who once sought relaxation from drinking may now turn to smoking, coffee, or sweets to achieve that same calming effect.

Here’s how these three desired feelings manifest in addictive behaviors:

1. Relaxation: Individuals who seek relaxation may indulge in overeating carbs, binge-watching TV, alcohol consumption, or tranquilizers. They enjoy creating a mellow, laid-back atmosphere for themselves and marvel at those who thrive on excitement, such as rollercoaster enthusiasts. For example, I knew a man who would binge on milk when upset because the tryptophan helped him relax and often put him to sleep.
2. Excitement: Those who crave arousal or excitement often seek thrills through activities like skydiving, racing, caffeine, drugs, horror movies, or gambling. One of my clients used to use marijuana to unwind, whereas her partner preferred stronger substances. Due to her preference for sedatives, she kept stimulants aside, even though he enjoyed being high, she didn’t.
3. Oblivion: People who seek to block out their surroundings and problems often turn to anesthetics, and psychedelics, or escape into sleep. I’m addicted to reading and find myself completely absorbed in a good book; you can talk to me, but I don’t always hear you. Computer and social media addicts also lose track of time as they become engrossed in the screen as though they’re in another world.

One compulsive overeater I worked with used an unexpected method to escape the anxieties of her highly demanding job and relationship she compulsively self-pleasured. Her reasoning was, “I experience 16 seconds of bliss with every climax!” Drs. Milkman and Sunderwirth suggest that individual differences in brain chemistry likely underlie why some people prefer relaxation while others crave excitement or fantasy. Electrical activity in specific brain regions generates feelings of pleasure or discomfort, leading to cravings and an intense desire to feel good.

If you realize you’re caught in compulsive behaviors to alleviate stress in your life, try keeping a weekly diary noting days when you craved or indulged in substances like drugs, food, alcohol, TV, video games, or other pleasure-seeking activities. Rate the intensity of your craving for each episode from one to ten, with ten indicating loss of control and bingeing. Consider what was happening in your life on those days that rated a seven, nine, or ten. What situation, relationship, upset, depression, or anger prompted you to self-medicate with relaxation, excitement, or oblivion to alter your mood? Once you recognize the connection between negative emotional states in your daily life and compulsive efforts to feel good through activities that cause guilt or shame, you may decide to seek assistance whether through therapy, joining a support group, or attending a twelve-step meeting to receive support and learn how to manage triggers.

Substance abuse and addiction are prevalent issues. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reports that approximately 20.3 million individuals aged 12 and older have experienced a substance use disorder in the past year. According to SAMHSA’s 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, nearly 2 million individuals in the same age group have struggled with opioid use disorders and 14.8 million with alcohol use disorders.

If you or someone you know is grappling with addiction, there are resources available for help. Recovery is a process that may not progress linearly, but the first step toward improvement is reaching out for assistance. For more information, referrals to local treatment facilities and support groups, and useful links, visit SAMHSA’s website. If you’re interested in joining a recovery support group, you can locate nearby Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meetings. You can also contact SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-799-7233, a free, confidential 24/7 information service available in both English and Spanish. For TTY assistance or situations where speaking is not safe, call 1-800-487-4889.